It was white until white became frowned upon. It was french until America claimed ownership by shortening(?) the name. It’s mayonnaise, the edible not the audible (Smashing Pumpkins). 

Mayo has been reinventing itself like other healthy foods like potato chips and soda. It use to be creamy or the worst version of a Miracle. Olive oil, chipotle, avocado oil, safflower oil. But it’s oil and not the crude kind that made millionaires in Texas. 

Some have a sandwich with mayonnaise while others have mayo with a sandwich. Is it a sensory issue to paint every crevice of a bun with cream? Made with eggs but with no thought of claiming a protein benefit? Is it surprising it hasn’t gone the way of cigarettes if only because of no concern of second hand lard? In my world, dressing is a form of vaping off the spread.

When I was growing up, mayo made with avocado made a great guac. As we get older, we give up on these childish games and go salsa. Arteries need blood and not blockage. If you can carry extra pounds and want a quick fix that doesn’t involve starving or ingesting a supplement that contains a coffee pot of caffeine? 

You start with exercise then aim off the white stuff. Try a little tenderness Or extra mustard.