The Tide says bye

The Dolphins have shipped another good player
For draft picks who will become another later
They’ve lost a player named Fitzpatrick
Not the QB of pix-six stature

This was the one with Alabama pedigree.
Cause playing for a loser isn’t where he want to be.
Now the secondary will be more of a sieve
When the Fins tank, there’s more points to give.

For the teams that are actually trying
To make fans happy instead of the crying
For the fans who have suffered for decades on end
They can only tank because it’s the only way to win.

Getting that paper that has heavy stock
Of all the draft picks as if they were a lock.
To turn in players as good as Minkah
And not like the many who were found to be stinka

And those historians who wanted to suck for Luck
It turned out the Luck had run out and trucked
Some plans don’t work out like the signing of Suh.
Still having 8 million today that is due.
Even though for years his tenure was done
It was a contract where only one person won.

It’s time to party and bring out the streamers,
The Fins got more picks and continue to be dreamers.
And one day they will be on the board.
And prove that tanking will give a just reward,


Implore to not score

The Dolphins are putrid. It doesn’t matter whether they try to be competitively tanking or incompetently portraying a football team. But don’t tell the fans that the change of 59-10 to 43 – 0 week over week is an improvement? This is a team pretending to play a sport in the most illogical of strategies, tanking for a future? And to not score is improvement?

That’s what the radio broadcasters will tell you and did, in a predetermined script of a play call. The defense gave up less points. The special teams tackled better. But the only points the scored were two touchdowns for the other team. That’s not better.

No points means a certain impossibility of winning. They don’t have negative points except in fantasy football. And this Dolphin team is a fantasy in the most bizzaro of ways. The stands are as empty as for Marlin games, and they only have 8 appearances in a whole year, since there a chance in hell the playoffs are an option. The Patriots are already punching the dance card two games in.

Because they score. And they get better because the future is always now. The future is one game at a time with Tom Brady taking snaps. The Dolphins have stripped their players of the most obvious cliche of one game at a time. It’s one season at a time in Miami. One draft at a time. And many agent calls to get them out of Miami, at a time.

The exodus of commitment will corrode the feelings of the players, the tenacity of the agent calls, the threats of holding out for better situations. Miami has the lack of state tax and the nightlife, two built in advantages over other teams. But the most prolific free agent signing was a talented introvert whose friends with Warren Buffett. They don’t have game in or out of the arena.

And they can’t score which means they can’t compete and assuredly can’t win, with the players or public opinion, give or take shill broadcasters who think tanking is the best option. It’s an option Warren Buffett would sell on.


Standing Pat on Tanking

The Dolphins are tanking. The primary goal is to be a winner. It’s the right reason to strip it down but to win you must abstain. But the Stephen Ross long game is to be the absentee owner who cashes in when his investment is at peak value. He’s an investor and knows numbers. He is Jeffrey Loria with a pigskin and without votes.

He knew his investment would be worth more if the people paid to renovate the stadium. They did not. He thought bringing in Venus & Serena Williams and Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony as investors would bring more community and some infusion of social marketing. It did not. He thought adding better seating, better electronics, would add more excitement. No.

He thought bringing a HOF coach like Bill Parcells to run the team remotely would work. He thought his protegee Jeff Ireland would draft well. He thought Tony Sporano would coach well. He thought an OL coach who worked with Aaron Rodgers would win. He thought a quarterback whisperer would win. They did not.

He believed the advice on overpaying the best defensive player who likes Warren Buffet would be a leader. He took the advice of drafting a receiver who played 2 years at quarterback to start seven years would get him to the playoffs. And his coach in college would serve him best as Offensive Coordinator.

He thought leading RISE but organizing a Trump benefit would not invite questions. He interviewed Jim Harbaugh and let it leak for his present coach to hear from the media. He said his organization was the best at everything except playing football.

And now tanking is to be believed so the Fins have first dibs on a league not dominated by Bill Belechik and Tom Brady. So problem one is it’s football.

Most football players come from bad economic circumstances in the US. They have seen hard knocks in the US their entire life. It is all win every year for the most professional players . Baseball and Basketball have an infusion of players from South America, Mexico, Europe and the African continent. When they are learning, experiencing and enjoying America, they’re time table is less pressing about the game. It’s more about life. In football it’s all about the game. (Ben Simmons just decided to add a jump shot this offseason. For his team that tanked to win)..

Football players have more injuries caused by teammates making bad plays due to lack of talent, skill, intelligence, desire. Football players don’t have too much time to earn. They do not have time to prove their worth, especially when playing with inferior players. Winning helps earning power and tanking erodes their short span of time to make money. Ask Minkah Fitzpatrick.

The Dolphins are not the Houston Astros. Houston is so good at player procurement that the St. Louis Cardinals felt it WAS a good risk to take by spying on them. They were caught and punished. All nine players the Dolphins took in the 2013 draft are out of the league. They are not the Houston Astros.

They are the Dolphins and they are tanking. Dan Patrick says the fans should take the season off. The Heat is on.

Tanks, Miami Dolphins

The Miami Dolphins own some real estate.
They’re 1000-1 in the Super Bowl space.

Not the kind of inventory you want to invest in.
Thats why your Miami Dolphins are-a-tankin.

They want to increase the value of their asset.
While making the fans grow more placid.

So they the best players become out of towners
While the rest of them play for one that flounders.

Getting buried by a shade over 50.
While scoring like they shop at the thrifty.

Like the baseball team owned by crooked art
Who got a new ballpark because of a collective brainfart.

This owner thinks he can trump those feats
But been there done that is a city with detes.

So he’s saving some money and hoping this plan
Will not fall flatter than Miami’s best flan.

But one thing we know after 20 or so years
We still see Marino through rear view mirrors.

AB is an XFL guy

Antonio Brown is an XFL guy.
He would take the league and make it fly.

Cause Antonio Brown is no longer a Raider.
Helmet games, cold feet, practice, and later.

He could keep his helmet and all of it’s glory
And no longer listen the Jon Gruden story.

That took place in Tampa with a ring theft of Dungy.
And parlayed to 100 million of Mark Davis’ money.

Or is it the investors in the city of Vegas?
The place made for dysfunction and stages.

‘Cause the Silver and Black have been losing for so long
The last time they won was with Gruden in Oaktown.

Save one season in the hands of Del Rio.
A causality of Davis’ callous libido.

So what he wanted was an old Gruden toy.
And how it plays out will be like a book from Tolstoy.

Now we have war with two divas and a Mayock.
And we will have peace when they get the flock out.

And be an anonymous loser just like the Dolphins.
Which makes the fans take more showers and rinses.

To scrub off the stench of year to year losing
And go to draft and let other teams abuse them.

And let Antonio play for the XFL.
‘Cause him and Vince would get along quite well.

With storylines and gimmicks and tables and ladders
The XFL is a circus, perfect for the AB sagas.

And the Steelers and Raiders can look from afar.
A sigh of relief from Big Ben and Carr.

Dolphins Wide-Out of Here

This is a tale of a major ineptness, and the Dolphins think tanking solves this recent messiness. Even when they get a name like Nate Orchard, they release the player and look like a forger. But when its in front of them they still cannot find, a solid football player who can handle the asinine. Unless it’s someone like Brian Hartline, who owns a Circle K now he’s not on the sideline. Who wants to play for this horror of Chambers? Except for Chris who was one of the decent members.

As has been the trend of the mammal, football playing in gray flannel, we come to the flea market of wide-outs, signed on as dreams and going out as dark clouds. Just like a flash like Ted Ginn Jr., we met your family but hardly knew ya. Then the yard was controlled by a Marshall, who couldn’t catch balls until he went to Chicago.

Then the deep balls went to Wallace, but usually too tall like he was a Oompa Lumpas. Cause of the erratic Tannehill, with a gun toting wife and a throw manual. He caused much calamity cause all he could throw were 5 yards to Landry. And he caught so much that he demanded a new deal. But instead of more money he shredded the teal. And when the Browns called, he picked up and ran. just like LeBron when he went to Cleveland.

Then there was the curious case of Rishard Matthews, who retired this year cause he wasn’t really used. But that wasn’t case when he was a Dolphin. But before the pour started, the Fins said “when”. And then there was the latest departure of Kenny Stills, with a lot of talent but also some ills, that showed in the dirt that was on his knees, when he would kneel, Ross was not pleased.

So the Dolphins cut bait along with a smoke master. That was a gamble by a ESPN sportscaster. Who pretended to be a GM who knew, how to build a franchise anew. And it’s 2019, 20 after Marino. And we have already said to this season, finito.


Where art thou, Dorian?

It’s not just a character from One Life to Live, although it’s contents may create a sieve and it’s not a picture with a last name Gray, or a show about anatomy or some sex expose. This is the latest storm to threaten the South, with the name Dorian and it looks like no slouch.

In fact it’s a Cat 3 which may change to Cat 4, heading to land by a certain mouse hole. Now what happens now and Sunday is unsure, it may center Miami or maybe Melbourne. Where it lands, it will probably pack a punch, with a windy center and an outside crunch. Not like a Nestle Crunch or a Twix, but turning ficus trees to a pile of twigs.

And now Florida is in a state of emergency, of course POTUS knows it’s in the confederacy. Cause he certainly plays to a certain audience, which Florida has with amazing abundance. And he would like to place the G7 and yet being a President is still hard to fathom. He has a lot in common with Dorian. He has a lot of wind and he loves visiting Florida.

And now the citizens are buying up the water, making the stores like a place of slaughter. And the peeps are filling up their gas tank, buying up Hawaiian Rolls and that old favorite, Spam. Not that gross pumpkin concoction, but the regular mold of halting byproduct. 

Hopefully will spared a full blow, and it will dissipate into the ocean floor. And allow us to enjoy the weekend, and give a thought to patriots no longer with us.